Bars in Bangkok don't just simply run on Thais smiling under the weight of Singha-soaked falangs with atrocious manners/fashion sense in order to keep a drinking establishment economically viable. Certain offerings must be made to ensure the prosperity of the business. Well, at least attempt to maintain the prosperity of the business. Nothing is certain. All is flux. Happy hour lasts two hours.

High on the shelves of bars, above all the diluted Jack Daniels and stubby coolers, are representations of many, many sacred deities, items and symbols.

These many, many sacred things are given offerings in a very specific order.

Lord Buddha is first. The tea and water at the front. Not much was explained to me of this. That's that.

Phra Phikanet - the Thai version of Ganesh - gets the milk and water. He is worshipped as a deity of business fortune, success and as a someone that can remove obstacles. When things go wrong - business don't go so good, success don't come, obstacles remain obstacles - he is turned upside down as a sign of ridicule.

Those three shot glass at the back and centre are offering for King Chulalongkorn (Rama V, or, as he is known to many faithful as Ratchakan Tee Ha). In the three shots: one is tea, one is whiskey and one is water. Tea for the Great Moderniser who kept faithful to the old ways, Whisky for the Internationalist, and water for the purity of the now deified king. This is what I was told. There are many, many other interpretations, but now is nor the time nor place to elaborate. 

Chuchok. He's next. Chuchok was a beggar who got rich from successful begging. Go figure. He became a bartender and is considered good luck in business and unexpected fortune. His is the water and red syrup on the front left.

Next, there's Lady Buddha. I thought she got water and milk, but here it's water and syrup. What do I know, eh?

Baby Buddha is next in the queue. Two syrups and a water. Sweet tooth.

There's some odd phallic/pestle thing that gets tea and water, but I can't remember for the life of me what that's about. Phalid Khik. I can't do all the legwork.

Oh, and everyone gets some cake. Don't forget that.

First three incense sticks are lit for prosperity. After that, nine incense sticks are lit for prosperity.

I don't understand the nine yet, but the three incense sticks symbolise the three stages of the Buddha - Paput (student), Pratam (teacher) and Prasong (enlightened/realised). Apologies for the terrible spelling - and erroneous content, while we're at it - but I did this work on the fly.

After all that, food and drink was put out for the old owner, now dead. The manager here reckons he's a suffering ghost now, so the food is cut up small and and straw put in his whiskey. Suffering ghosts have small mouths - it's kinda a long story. When these are placed, one stick of incense it lit for him to come and eat/drink.

Why no picture of all the deities? You work that out.

And then? Well, then the bar was ready to open. 

So I had a beer. 

Hey, at least here in your hotel drawer you get a choice. 

This guy? I don't know. I don't know. I think he wanted a drink or something. I really think he should take advantage of the cheap dental work available here in Bangkok. The technicians are very good.

Death is like going into another room, another room where you're dead. Going to the Bureau of Immigration is like going into another room, another room where you're dead and take a number

That'll do. Go watch television or something.